It’s been way too long between posts! The last time I spoke with you all, I announced that I was pregnant with my first bub, which you can read, here.
I wasn’t sure if I would share this or not as its a very personal situation and it seems when you fall pregnant, its a cue for everyone to give you an opinion; and whilst I was a little hesitant to share my experience, no pregnancy or motherhood journey is the same and I thought my story might be relate-able to other woman (or men).
The main reason I have been MIA is because I work full time and mix that in with being pregnant….. Well I’m not going to lie, its been really tough. I’ve found the first half of my pregnancy hectic, and if I’m being quite honest, slightly traumatic. If you read my original post you would know that I fell pregnant instantly, I ignorantly believed my pregnancy would be just as easy.
Our baby wasn’t planned, but when we found out we were soooo excited! We found out at around the three week mark, and fairly soon after it was medically confirmed, I struggled a lot with anxiety and lost the majority of my excitement. I was anxious that I would lose the baby, that the baby would have a serious medical condition, I wouldn’t be a good mother, and the list goes on. Fast forward to when I was five weeks along, shit got real, literally! The morning sickness (okay, that’s bullshit, the all day sickness), hit me like a tonne of bricks. The nausea was horrendous, I couldn’t keep anything down, and I was throwing up after breakfast and dinner. Although I was somewhat safe during the day, the nausea literally made me look and feel green, plus the amount of emergency trips I had to make to the bathroom because I thought I would be sick and then nothing would come out, too many to count. I could feel the vomit sitting in the bottom of my throat but I couldn’t get it out, I think that feeling was worse than the vomiting because all I wanted to do was throw up to get some relief, but I just couldn’t get it up!! The majority of the nausea and vomiting stopped at around 16 weeks, but I still had days around the 20 week mark, where I would have a random spew.
I can’t even stress to you how much of an impact the morning sickness has on your mental state, I think especially for me, working full time and trying to pretend that everything was okay because I wasn’t 12 weeks along yet was most difficult. I felt like it was a really isolating/dark time and although my husband tried to support me the best he could, he just couldn’t quite grasp, or understand my prego feelings.
At around eight or nine weeks pregnant I found out after an ultrasound that I had a small haematoma (blood cot), luckily positioned away from the baby, but it was something that would have to be monitored closely. Any sign of bleeding I was to go straight to emergency room. I can’t explain to you how scary this was, you have absolutely no control over whats happening and you have to let your body do it’s thing. Fortunately at 12 weeks the haematoma was absorbed back into the uterus lining was no longer an issue.
I was almost at 12 weeks and things were starting to look up, well so I thought….
Our first trimester screening results came back as high risk for Trisomy 21 (Downs Syndrome), another massive blow. The test itself is quite controversial because it has a high rate of ‘false positives’, and my regular GP’s weren’t very knowledgeable on the subject. After consulting with a specialist midwife, I was recommended to do the Harmony Test, a blood test that searches for a variety of issues, including Trisomy 21. Thank god the test results came back fine, such a relief!! However due to the original high risk reading, the hospital is being very cautious, I’m seeing Dr’s rather than midwives and I will have an extra ultrasound than most other pregnant woman, because sometimes these high risk results can indicate a heart condition or growth abnormality. I’ve been assured that all my results of late have been perfect and everything is going well.
I’m naturally an extremely anxious person and no matter what reassurance the Dr has given me, I have so much fear and anxiety. The biggest lesson I’ve learn’t through my pregnancy journey so far is that I cannot control every aspect and I’ve got to let nature do its thing (thanks to my MIL for the advice). Pregnancy is not always an easy process and can be tough physically and emotionally- staying positive is the only option!
I hope my experience can help others in some way, you won’t always enjoy your pregnancy, but It will also be your biggest blessing.
Love & Light
DISCLAIMER: This article is purely my experience, anyone who is experiencing similar thoughts or feelings should speak with a medical professional.